"You know why I'm giving you a sticker? Because I don't want you to be dead."

"Pretend when I walk around the house I stink."

"Pretend when you flash the light in my eyes, pretend that I run out of the skunk house to play."

Pretend when you spray the bug spray on me that it gets in my fur."

"Pretend that you smelled me."

"I've got a magina."

"I can hardly wait for Charlie to become a mommy."

"My poo was curved like a challah"

"I can hardly wait to be a mommy!"

"Hey, Daddy. You stepped on a roly-poly and made him dead, and he didn't like it."

"Charlie, try not to cry while I'm away because that will make me sad."

"It's like tushy." (Sam after watching 15 seconds of Big Country's song "In a Big Country")

"Daddy, you're growing another arm." (as she plays with a skin tag next to David's underarm)

"You know what I'm gonna dream about tonight? ELVIS!"

"Mommy, you smell better than a pig."

"I won't eat if you do that." ("that" is daddy singing like Tina Turner to Private Dancer)